I was raised in a very old Roman Catholic Church by a very strict, abusive, alcoholic. I have seen things that would terrify most people in life. The abundance of pediphiles and men mastubating in cars, trying to seduce little girls and boys, was very common growing up. Drugs, people having sex, grown men screwing my teenage sisters, theivery, murder, well, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve seen hell here today. As a little child, I used to go to our local school yard and pray under a Virgin Mary statue. I was beat up by so many neighborhood kids. I’ve been raped, beaten and stabbed. Every time, though, GOD saved me. I’ve been homeless, and GOD provided me shelter in a river camp rented by one of my friends. I’ve been hungry, and GOD fed me. I was terribly lonely, and GOD comforted me. Over the years, I have experienced so many horrible things. My own grandfather was a pervert who tried to stick his tongue in our mouths as little girls. Not to mention other things I’ve experienced. With each thing I’ve gone through and survived, GOD has made me stronger and wiser. Emotional hurt is in your mind. People cannot take power over your mind if you don’t let them. Sometimes, my dreams are extremely vivid and terrifying. Sometimes, the things I dream come true. Once, I dreamed this girl I knew would have a black baby in the back of a pick up truck. One week later, she had a still born baby in the back of a pick up. One of my young teenage friends was killed in an auto accident. My grief was so intense, I couldn’t stop crying for days. I begged GOD to let me know she was ok. That night, I fell asleep. I dreamed of my friend. She was dressed in the most beautiful white light I’d ever seen. She was more glorius than I could remember. She was an innocent 17 when she passed. I stopped grieving that night.
On the drive back from a Florida vacation at Panama Beach, a small crop duster air plane was playing chicken with my van. I knew in my gut something was wrong. By the way, it was May, 2000. I told my husband to call the police. He said, “And say what? That a crop duster is playing chicken with our van?” I said, “Yes.” Well, he refused. I took the cell phone and called 911. I was headed up North 167. I told them where I was, and they said they’d take care of it. The rest is history. My gut instincts have always served me well as an adult. GOD is my guiding light and I know that. However, getting people to listen to you is another story.
I’ve dreamed of Jesus, coming to pass judgement. He was in my dream, questioning my every thought. He gives us dreams to see how our hearts react. I dreamed he was on top of a rainbow and clouds, moving across the most beautiful sunset I’d ever imagined. He did not speak to me then, but he passed me and I felt at peace. Then, I was walking down the street where I grew up, and all of these dead bodies were all over. I didn’t know anyone. They were just all of these bodies. Suddenly, I was sitting on top of a hill, on top of an old cabin with my daughter and some other people I didn’t know. I heard screaming. I saw all of these wild animals like lions and tigers, chasing people and eating them. There were deer and zebra, squirrels, birds, and many other animals of prey, yet the carnivorous animals just chased the humans and ate them. At first I was terrified, but the animals just passed me by, like my fear. Then I was in a meadow with my daughter and some kids. I wasn’t a body, but a spirit. Everything looked like people and animals, but we were all just spirits. We were at peace with one another.
Maybe this sounds crazy to people, I can’t quite explain it, but whoever has hurt me physically in body has improved my soul immensely. I’ve learned so many lessons from life. GOD has shown me through tragedy how to truly give and expect nothing. He has given me faith that he does have a plan. With the life I grew up in, I could have just as easily gone in the other direction, hating and spreading violence. GOD gave me a light inside to help people. He gave me the ability to forgive and help others. I don’t know why he saved me. Truly, I’m nothing and noone special, yet he did. For his gifts, I am truly grateful.
I used to pray to GOD. When I was a nurse, I took care of this adorable little girl with cerebral palsy. This girl had a super intelligent mind, but was trapped in a body that didn’t work, a cage. I prayed to GOD, saying, “If you just let this little girl walk, I’ll give up my legs.” I was grown and had a family. I shouldn’t have done that. Ask and you shall recieve. As a middle-aged adult, it was discovered that I have a rare form of spina bifida. I have an occult sacral meningocele which is eroding away my sacrum and compressing my nerves. Sometimes, I’m in tremendous physical pain. Eventually, I won’t be able to walk. I trip and fall a lot. And yes, the little girl can walk with assistive devices. That is something neurologists said would never happen in a million years, because her motor center in her brain was ravaged by the CP. In my quest for glory and vanity, I asked GOD to take my legs, so he accomidated me. He also let her walk. I was so stupid and vain. What I should’ve realized was that GOD already knows what we need. Prayer to him is a slap in the face. We should just thank him and go on our way. If I was going to pray for someone else, that little girl, I should’ve asked GOD to let us walk together. Now I ask for forgiveness and will he let us walk together in heaven.
I could go on forever with stories people. The truth is, there is a GOD. He is the literal light of the world in every sense. When we are no longer needed to serve here, that is when he brings us home. The only things worthy of life are love and kindness. The rest is darkness. That’s all.
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