My penny’s worth
I am new to this site and have read a lot of the posts - an interesting mix of views , some amazing dreams and some people very desperate for answers and others very sure they have them!! I’m not about to supply those - but hopefully a little food for thought. When I was seventeen I began having recurring apocalyptical dreams. Most began looking up at a night sky and seeing a falling star - upon which I made a wish, and then another - another wish, and another and another and suddenly all the stars were falling from the sky and I realised the world was ending - followed by floods etc accompanied by all the associated terror. -Attending a black mass, protesting & running away. -Of being poisoned and death/ the devil approaching - saying the lords prayer until the words dried in my throat as death overcame me. Strange repeated occurrence- I’d turn off my light and jump into bed and my door would pop open, i’d close it and the room would be thick with the presence of evil - replete with smell, I’d lie petrified clutching my crucifix (I’m catholic) and praying until I fell asleep. To give some context I had just begun university (in a city apparently the satanist centre of s. africa at the time) after leaving a small, sheltered, conservative but war torn community (Rhodesia now Zimbabwe in Africa), I was radically questioning religion and basically all the accepted mores of society - resulting in a bad dose of existential depression that gave rise to thoughts of suicide due to the “meaninglessness” of life - my solution to which was to find the meaning!! - a task I’ve been working at ever since and which led me to this site - 23 years later. I think the dreams I have referred to at that particular stage of my life were symbollic of my own personal apocalypse - I was questioning and re-evaluating all the beliefs that my personal reality was based upon at that date and being sensitive to surrounding atmospheres i think the satanic and political violence played a significant part in the imagery, so saying I have never lost the vividness of those dreams and the strong feeling that they would come to pass in my lifetime and result in me finding my true purpose. While the apocalyptic theme ended after my 4 yrs at varsity I have continued to have very vivid, symbolic and relevant dreams throughout my life guiding me on my quest for truth that have led down very interesting paths - far to numerous to list here individually but that definitely suggest some type of universal mind, god or whatever one chooses to term it. I have no title to describe my current religious / spiritual beliefs as I find most words have too many negative connotations to ascribe accurate meaning to them. Some of the insights I’ve gained are: 1) The truth lies in paradox - at a very simple level the glass cannot be half empty without being half full. The whole is always composed of its two opposite attributes. If you constantly choose the negative how can you be happy? Our power lies in our ability to choose the perspective we see things from, heaven and hell are right here, right now. An example - my brother totalled his car and on arriving at work was told he’d been laid off - two very traumatic events in one day - his response to his boss was - at least I won’t have to worry about how to get to work! 2)we are all unique individuals, once we loose our fear of being “different” we have something to contribute that no-one else can however humble that may be. Be honest with yourself, accept personal responsibility and trust your inner voice, your godself, god or whatever you choose to name that inner guide that’s always Right, if you have to convince anyone else you are unsure and have given away your power, there is no safety in numbers. 3)learn to love yourself and your life and that is a practical start to changing the world in this often sad, angry and violent world a happy smile is a wonderful virus to catch and it could change someones life, in fact millions - every act we do has a domino effect.
We may not be able to do anything directly to fix the crisis in the middle east or bring about world peace overnight but we can “fix” ourselves - thats how you eat an elephant - one bite at a time!!
Author: AQUASPIRAL
December 10th, 2006 at 9:04 am in Philosophy and Religion
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May 15th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
You are brilliant, I hope. I’ve had apocalyptic dreams an average of once every two months since I was around 13. Very scary. A dark sky, with something high, like an eerie light in the sky or a big tower on a mountain emitting terrible rays of control and death. Flying things causing fire. They didn’t disrupt my life very much. BUT,
then in 2006 I had a dream that was electric in intensity, and was not exactly apocalyptic, but it involved me having stigmata, and me seeing my demise. Signs galore.
Then in January of 07 everything crashed down. It started with me watching a conspiracy documentary on the internet about chemtrails, which are supposedly toxic chemicals sprayed in the sky by some huge terrible power. I believed it (and I still do to this day) and took it to be a sign for the end. I became incredibly depressed, and seemingly all aspects of my life went bad or numb. I went through months of panicky hell. I am beginning to see the connection between the outer struggle and the inner struggle. Your post confirmed some positive thoughts that I have. Thank you. I still am very convinced, however, that the end is near, like in 2012, and I struggle to keep my mind from sending my body into panic again. How can I focus on my own life and stop being distracted by what I can’t control?
May 15th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
I’m 17, by the way.
May 20th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Hi there - I am very glad that my post has been of help to someone. What I’ve noticed about a lot of these posts are that they are made by people in their late teens, of above average intelligence and generally from religious backgrounds indicating a secure upbringing. Poised on the brink of striking out and taking responsibility for oneself in what the media would have us believe is a totally evil world is a terrifying prospect - especially because almost everything appears beyond ones control. One thing isn’t - our ability to think for ourselves, assess and act accordingly thereby creating our own reality. I think it is this very freedom of choice that creates the apocalyptic dream - our fear and impotence of standing alone against the overwhelming majority that “goes with the flow”. The end may well be near, that is something we will not know until it occurs - the one certainty we know in this lifetime though is that we will die - maybe tomorrow, maybe in seventy years time - how we die is not important but how we LIVE - this we can control if we want. Each moment is a choice either we can make or allow someone else to make for us. Taking personal responsbility for those choices is a big thing - its far easier to blame someone or something else if things go wrong. Some of the things that have helped me “focus” are : 1)keeping a journal detailing significant dreams, trends of thought, ideas and basically any issues I feel strongly about - written when I’m feeling overwhelmed. 2)Writing poems and creating artwork to express/explore these feelings. 3)Concentrating on the overlooked details of life - ie marvelling at the perfection of the rainbow colored world reflected in a dewdrop or the magnificence of a sunrise or the wonderful scent of a flower, or the kindness of a stranger helping an old woman cross a busy road … 4)Truth .
Hope this helps.
September 25th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
daily prayers…
our daily prayer…
December 11th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Hi i’m also 17 and i think what you say is very true but also as the website http://www.2012.com.au/unlimited.html says;
Be aware that most of the media is controlled by just a few. Use discernment! Look for the hidden agendas. Why is this information being presented to you? What is “their” real agenda? Is it a case of problemreactionsolution? Do “they” create a problem so that “we” react and ask for a fix, then “they” offer their solution? The “solution is what “they” really wanted in the first place.
This is really aimed at dwininger as they seem to believe what they say. I’m not judging at all, just saying. Though i do have different views on what you belive as i am Wiccan so it is eneviatable and i suppose i am a little ignorant of the world still as i’m not that old, but i do understand and take in what other people say and i do believe some of the things you said in your first comment, like the cahnging ourselves and not the the big things byn taking things in small steps working from the bottom as it is usually how people reach the top.
I also use to have the same problem as dwininger but i overcame it by using similar steps to the ones you have advised and they are very useful steps to apply to life as they give you a whole new lease on life.