Oh Boy….The subject of the apocalypse and impending doom for humanity brings to mind a favorite phrase of mine: “We know that the Bible is the Word of God because it says so in the Bible”.

The end of the world has been predicted many times throughout history, even as far back 195 AD, a date deduced by numerology from the Greek spelling of Rome and the Greek value of its letters: rho (100), omega (800), mu (40), and eta (8). These add up to 948, which, it was decided, must be the number of years Rome would last. Founded in 753 BC, it must fall in 195 AD, with the rest of the world following soon after.

Sound hoakey? How about this one: Astrologer Stroffler calculated that Saturn, Mars and Jupiter would be together in the sign of Pisces, inevitably heralding a worldwide flood in 1524. These are but a few dates set for the disaster, or at least the beginning of disaster, all which passed without incident. One might think that by this time the world would realize that no one knows when the end of the world will happen, if at all, but apparently not, as 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2001 are also designated years for the end. So which year will it be? Take your pick; the whole subject conjures no more intelligence than a silly high school multiple choice test.

We all know about the ominous Book of Revelations, but do we realize that scholars and religious experts alike all agreed that the millenium it referred to was indeed the year 1000? Of course, 1000 passed, and now that the double millenium is soon approaching, a need for power and attention is taking over, and everyone is talking about the ‘End Times’ we’re living in. End Times my ass! Sure things are shitty on Earth now, but when have they not been? Why is there more of a need for good old Jesus to come back down to Earth and set things straight now than 100 years or 1000 years ago? The year 2000 is just a date, one pertaining to the Christian calendar we abide by, and a date that should mean absolutely nothing to a non-Christian. Yet it seems everyone is all hyped up about it. The thing that really makes me angry is that for the entire year of 1999, a normal, regular year, I am going to have apocalyptic bullshit shoved down my throat nonstop, and when the year 2000 finally arrives (which it will, without incident no doubt), I’ll have to hear about how 2001’s the real date, as the millenium doesn’t actually begin until then. Make up your minds, pedants. (Hah!)

December 30th, 2001 at 9:49 pm in It Won't Happen

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